September 14th, 2018

Talking about "Fast Food" today. Yeah, I know, it's terrible for us. And almost nobody that I know will cop to ever eating this crapfood.  And Yet!  There are an incredible number of fastfood restaurants across the nation and they are always packed sooooooo somebody is eating there.

I will go ahead and confess first.  Sometimes, we do.  There I said it. Yes, sometimes the people who live in this house, knowing ahead of time how very awful it is for us, knowing that it's only marginally even categorized as actual food, knowing how doggone many calories are involved, still, on rare occasions, eat fast food.  Once in a great while, it's just The  Answer to whatever the question is.

Sometimes the question is, we just got off a plane and we are heading home and it's after midnight and we are exhausted but starving and what is open?  Fast Food Restaurants is that answer.  Years ago when  we had a houseful for hungry boys but not a lot of money and we wanted to give them a treat, where was the most obvious place to eat?  Fast Food is once again the correct response.  After the hurricane last year when we had no electricity for 11 days and had already eaten all of the food in the house that didn't require cooking, the question then was where can we find something to fill our bellies?  The answer?  Dingdingding...fast food.  And every once in a very blue moon the question - at least in this house - is what are you in the mood for that doens't require getting cleaned up, or honestly even getting out of the car and yes Virginia, that answer to that one too is Fast Food.

This came to mind, not because I am in the mood for garbage food, but because I recently learned that the McDonald's Big Mac, which is their signature sandwich, is 50 years old this year!  Woohoo! Happy Birthday Big Mac!  Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame bun was introduced to all of McDonald's many franchises in 1968.  And that got me thinking about McDonalds which easily led to thinking about all the other zillion or so fast food brands out there and how I feel about them.

I was surprised, for example, to learn that Subway is considered fast food.  Interesting.  I disagree. For me, it shouldn't qualify because it has no drive-through window.  To be considered Fast food a restaurant absolutely needs to have service without leaving the car.  I think that ought to be one of the rules.

While I have eaten at Burger King, I despise it with every fiber of my being.  For whatever reason, my mother loved Burger King and when the boys were little, if she and my dad came up to visit she often oferred to take us out to lunch and it was ALWAYS Burger King.  Gack.  I'm not sure why I dislike it so much but I suspect it has something to do with the buns.  Good bread is key to a good sandwich and I find theirs lacking.  I haven't eaten anything from a Burger King in decades. Literally.

When I was in college there was a Burger Chef in town. We students frequented that one. Not because it was any good, you understand, but it was very cheap and most of us were pathetically poor.  Sometimes when we were studying all night long and would get rumbly in the tumbly, a few of us would pool our money and walk down the street to Dunkin' Donuts which was open 24/7.  How many donuts we bought depended on the amount of money we scraped together.  In one instance that I recall, it was one donut. One Single Donut.  Brought it back and divided it between us.  Honestly it was the best piece of donut I ever ate. We were so hungry.  Nowadays Dunkin doens't even make their donuts on site. As far as I'm concerned that was a huge step down.  I no longer eat at Dukin' Donuts. But then I also don't drink coffee so I also don't drink there.

Popeyes, I've never eaten at so I cannot tell you how I feel about it although I am going to assume it isn't named after the cartoon character Popeye?  I just don't see a connection between Popeye the sailor man and fried food and biscuits.  Maybe I'm missing something.

TacoBell?  Yikes!  When youngest son was in high school, I think he ate there every day for lunch. There was one across the street from the campus.  There is not one single solitary thing on that menu that I have even the remotest interest in eating. I don't even like to walk in the door.  No thank you very much please.

I've seen quite a number of Checkers restaurants here but I've never eaten at one.  I do notice that their prices are low. Really low, like lower than any prices I've ever seen. Which leads me to believe that the quality is commensurate and so, no, I think I could skip Checkers.  Although if there had been one in the town I went to college in, I'm sure I woulda been all over it.

Sonic?  I love their fresh fruit slushies.  That may be all I've ever had from Sonic.  I always order a lime fresh fruit slushie and it's always awesome. Cold, icey, freshing, not too sweet. Ahhhhhh. Love it.  And I love that it has that old fashioned drive-in kind of vibe.  I've actually eaten at a real old fashioned A&W where the staff wheeled out on skates balancing food on the trays.  The food was unremarkable really, not bad, not great, just okay. But the show was terrific! And occasionally I enjoy a rootbeer.  I'm such a rebel :)

Dairy Queen offers food. I know because I've seen it on their menu but I have never tried it. With DQ I'm all about the Blizzard.  Oh me oh my, I do love a DQ Blizzard and hey, did you know it's actually not ice cream?  It's something like ice cream but not.  More like Ice Milk I suppose which is why for all that it's certainly not health food, it's also not quite so bad for you as a lot of junk food. And honestly I wouldn't care if it was a heart attack in a cup.  When I'm in the mood for it, I'm going to eat it anyway. 

Every once in awhile, when my iron levels are super low I get a craving for Arby's.  All I want is the basic sandwich, no sauce, no sides, no nothin'. Just meat'n'bread.  I scarf that thing down so fast I'm surprised I've never choked on it.  I should be embarrassed by that, but apparently I'm past the days of being embarrassed by anything that I say or do anymore.  It doesn't happen often but once, or maybe twice a year the only thing that is going to satisfy me that day is a hot Arby's basic sandwich and then I'm good again for at least six months.

Chik-fil-A I understand to be a high quality fast food but I only ate there one time and I do not recall the food at all.  I do remember the people who worked there being very nice though.  Jack-in-the-box, no thanks in a box. The first one I ever went to was in California many moons ago.  Didn't care for it then, still don't care for it now.  But as a kid I got a kick out of my very dignified father ordering a meal into a clowns face. teehee.

KFC. Hmmmm. Well I kind of like their cole slaw and sometimes their mac-n-cheese is okay but that's about it for me and KFC.   Pizza Hut? Gack no!  Step away from the hut.  I'm not sure what that goo in the box is but I know what it's not. It's not pizza. It's just not.  Panda Express?  I feel the same way about that place. I'm not sure what it is but it's absolutely not chinese food.  Big Nope.

So far I sound like kind of a fast food snob don't I?  Well we haven't gotten down to the crux of the biscuit yet.  I know there are a ton of other fast food restaurants out there. Most of them I've either never heard of or never tried so I certainly cannot pass Sam-judgement on them.  But the last two that I'll talk about today are Wendy's and the fast food giant, the big daddy of them all, McDonalds.

I used to really like Wendy's'.  I loved their baked potato stuff with broccoli and cheese. YUM.  It's been axed from their menu  and before it disappeared, the quality had really gone downhill on that tater anyway so it was a mercy killing.  The sandwiches...ehhh...they are square which is different and sometimes they even listen to me when I say NO ONIONS!  Sometimes.  But it's not my favourite.  Their fries are okay.  Not great, but okay. Usually.  However, I still love their frosty's.  I bring them home and put them in the freezer and eat it the next day. It's like the creamiest ice cream ever but with little ice crystals for crunch.  I don't know why I like it but I do.  So Wendy's in my estimation has declined and while I won't snub it outright, if I have a choice, that is not what I'm choosing.

And now, McDonalds. Their fries are still the best. I do not know why they are so good but they just are.  Years ago now, McDonalds made this big announcement that they were changing the kind of oil they fried their potatoes in and everyone was panicked in the streets!   'Oh NO!  The fries will never be the same.  It's ruined!!!"  But it wasn't ruined, the fries are still awesome and of course the hotter they are, the better they taste.   Hate their milkshakes. Disgusting. Do not EVER order their milkshakes.  Gross.  But their hamburgers are still okay.  I'm okay with the little singles, I'm okay with the doubles but if I'm going to break the calorie bank by eating at McDonalds I am going whole hog, if you will excuse the expression.  I'm eating a Big Mac.  And yes, I can. Eat. The. Entire. Thing. It may be ALL I eat that day, but there is just something very satisfying about that sandwich.  It's awful for me, I know that.  It's at least a zillion calories. I know that.  It's probably only just barely actual food and I know that too.  But on the unusual day that we eat at Mcdonalds I want a Big Mac and fries.  That's all.  And life it good once again.

I would say that it's a rare and guilty pleasure except that I don't feel guilty about it at all. Not one single solitary bit.