May 16th, 2022

These are two shirts right out of my closet.  The one of the left is, obviously, a button front.  The one on the right is a pullover.  99.9999999% of the shirts I own are pullovers.  I own exactly two button front shirts. One long sleeved (the above) and one short sleeved which I rarely actually wear because it itches.  Even the really nice dressy uppy tops that I have are of the pullover variety.  Winter, summer, spring, fall, doesn't matter.  With the exception of two, all of my shirts are of the over the head variety.  Nowadays, they make such pretty pull over tops out of all sorts of fabrics that pullovers - which used to be strictly for "tomfoolery" - honestly work just fine for dressy occasions, office wear, casual and any other situation you can think of.

Just to clarify, it's not as if I dislike button front shirts. It's more that they dislike me.  Of course there is a reason that I only own two button front shirts.  A very valid reason. Gaposis.  Yup. Almost every button up shirt I've ever tried on leaves me with a severe case of gaposis.  You know what gaposis is, right?  It looks like this:

Only on me it is often even worse.  Even standing perfectly still with my hands at my sides, there is, sadly, a gap between the buttons.  Sometimes such an emphatic gap that if I wore the shirt despite the obviously problem, it wouldn't just be a little stretching and pulling.  I would absolutely also be putting on a lingerie show.  It 's very sad.

​It's not as if I am side-show huge for heaven's sakes.  But apparently I am bustier than my frame would normally suggest.  And I suspect that some men and/or smaller busted women do not fully comprehend the difficulty in buying clothes in my situation.  Obviously clothing manufacturers do NOT get it.

This came up yesterday because we stopped by Beall's - a Kolhs-sized clothing store - so I could look at some shirts.  I saw several button front ones that were Very cute.  Cute enough to ignore the warning bells going off in my  head that said, "Button! Beware the Buttons!"    I scoffed at myself, "Pshaw", I said, "I'm not afraid of any buttons. What could it hurt to try?"  Silly me.

The first was a sky blue, cap sleeved, v-neck top that had a row of over sized buttons down the front. Very Very Cute.  The fabric was soft and light weight and the best part was the proportion.  It came right to my waist and stopped. For short people like me, a shirt that is stops where it's supposed to and not 8 inches lower, is like finding a unicorn sitting at your kitchen table enjoying a bowl of cornflakes.  

The second shirt was a pinky-blush colour with slightly puffed short sleeves. The neckline was more rounded and even though it had buttons all down the front, it tied at the waist and lightly bloused out.  The fabric, once again was very soft, and had a small pink on pink print.  Once again, it seemed like a perfect fit.

Even though, in regular people clothes I generally buy a size small, I selected  mediums to try with the dreaded gaposis in mind.  My thought was, perhaps if it was a wee bit over sized, the gap would be gone.  It was not.  The shirts fit fine - though a little bit roomy - every where else but the buttons pulled at  the fabric and that is never a good look.  I sighed and debated with myself. How much do I like these two shirts?  Enough to try a size large?

The answer was yes.  Tim found both shirts for me in the larger size.  I was swimming in them. Swimming!  The shoulder seams were half way down my arms, the length was far too long, there were gobs of extra fabric  at the sides and the neckline dipped dangerously. And yet.  And yet!  Gaposis.  How is this freakin' possible?

It was very frustrating.  Out of sheer stupid stubbornness,  I then went through the entire store choosing one of every single (summer type) button front shirt that they had.  I took them all into the dressing room and ended up having the exact same problem with every single shirt.   Apparently button front shirts and I are sworn enemies.  Like oil and water or north and south poled magnets, it seems that button front shirts and Sam are mutually exclusive. Dang.

Now it is a mission.  I am determined.  I do not like limitations in the same way that I do not like being told what to do.  And I sometimes I feel the need to push back.  There are other stores here.  I have a mission now.

​It's me or the button front shirt.   The show down will be epic. We will see who wins.