March 28th, 2019

Today is Tattle on Myself Day!  Yes indeed. It's time for another embarrassing moment in Samlife shared for your entertainment.

This is me not sleeping.  Again.  It's nothing new.  I am a lifelong insomniac.  I don't know why.  It's not as if I don't get tired. I do.  I just seem to have trouble making the transition from tired to sleeping.  I'm not sure if it's just that I have too much going on in my brain all the time or I don't produce enough Melatonin or the Sandman is falling down on the job but facts is facts.  And the face is that in my entire life, I've not been a good sleeper.  Oh well. It's not a huge deal. Most of the time I function pretty well on very little sleep.  And also I know that eventually, EVENTUALLY, I will sleep.

But occasionally that moment comes at an inconvenient time.

Last week, for example, I was at my hair appointment.  It was probably day three of a no-sleep cycle.  Because I was really tired, I knew that my reactions weren't tiptop so I was smart enough to not drive there.  It was a beautiful day and I walked.  It's not all that far. Maybe a mile? And it's a pretty place to be outside walking.  At any rate, I arrived safe and sound and in short order I was in the chair.

It's no secret that I get my hair coloured.  The lovely and talented Carolyn who does my hair knows exactly what I want and already had the colour mixed up and ready to roll. So all I had to do was plop my fanny in her chair and let her go to work.  And everything was cruising along just fine.  I even managed to hold up my end of the conversation. Until Step Two.

For the uninitiated, that means that after the colour is applied, I must then sit under one of the giant bee-hive looking hairdryers for a short while.  I'm not absolutely certain what this does for the hair colour process but I assume it has something to do with making sure that the colour properly sets?  Regardless there I am sitting under that hot dryer.  In a comfy chair.  With magazines in my lap.

Because I really cannot wear my reading glasses while colour is actively processing on my hair because it would stain my glasses too, I just look at the pictures in the magazines.  My poor near-vision makes it impossible to actually read the words.  But the pictures are entertainment enough for a hair appointment. I'm not expecting fine literature while colouring my hair.  This visit however, the magazines seemed to weight about ten pounds each and after thumbing through the first one, I had to just set them down. I couldn't hold them up anymore.

So I just sat their starring at nothing at all, trying to play brain games in my head to while away the time. And it worked too. Right up until I, apparently, dozed off, slumped forward and my head bonked the edge of the dryer.  A trifle embarrassed, I immediately sat up, repositioned myself, furtively glancing around to see if anyone noticed and resumed the  list of Presidents in proper order in my head. Aaaannnnddd my next thought was ouch, from another bonk on the edge of the dryer.  I had nodded off again.  Over and over and over through the entire Step Two of hair colour.  If it wasn't so funny to me, it might have been humiliating.  As it was, it just made me laugh.

Finally Carolyn came to my rescue.  She turned off the dryer and walked me to the sink for Step Three, rinsing, washing, rinsing, conditioning and rinsing again.  Yup that's how it works.  First she rinses out the extra colour, then washes my hair, rinses out the shampoo, then conditions and then rinses the residue of that.  It's essential to hair colouring but not the most comfortable position leaning backwards with the edge of a sink jabbing the back of my neck.  AND I feel asleep again.  Because she is a lovely person, she did not wake me until it was time to move to Step Four.

We walked together back to her station.  Then I was back in her chair, in front of the mirror and she is to the part where she began cutting my hair.   I apologized repeatedly for falling asleep and she assured me that it's not the first time it's ever happened and to just zone out if I need to. But I kept envisioning myself falling completely sleep in a boneless  heap and slithering out of the chair and onto the floor while she is trying to cut my hair. Now I absolutely did NOT want to fall asleep! Those results would not be pretty. So under the cape I kept jabbing my fingernails into my palms in an effort to keep my eyes open.  It worked. Just barely but I did stay awake throughout the cutting portion of the appointment. Thank goodness.

The Final Step was drying and styling.  The blow dryer was loud but it was warm and again, I  had to force myself to keep both eyes wide open and I silently prayed that she would hurry up and finish. And in fact, I nearly suggested that she just not bother to dry my hair just so I could drag my sorry and embarrassed arse home and hopefully actually really and truly lay down and close my eyes and drift off into a blissful nap.  But instead, I stayed.  

I think I apologized again before I left but I am not positive about that.  I hope I did.  I know I managed to pay the nice lady behind the desk and make my next appointment before leaving.  I don't remember walking home but clearly I did.  Once I arrived back at the house I felt a little more with it, a little more alert, probably that little dryer and sink nap did the trick so I pushed through until bedtime convinced that this was going to be the night.  Tonight I will sleep!  Bliss awaits!  Just a few more hours and I'm there. 

I know I did all the rest of my usual stuff.  Things got done in the house and the yard.  Dinner was made, served and eaten and I tidied up afterward.  I know Tim and I had conversations, we talked about...well I have no idea what we talked about. I have no memory of that at all.  Then we watched some TV and then eventually made our way to bed.  Whereupon, I lay awake in the darkness starring into the deep nothing and not sleeping once again.  

What sort of crazy person can fall asleep in a public place with stinky hair colour in her hair under a giant industrial dryer or leaning backwards against an uncomfortable sink but not in a lovely comfy beautiful bed with soft inviting fresh sheets and beautiful pluffy pillows?  Insanity.  LOL!

I know people who, when they want to sleep, simply close their eyes and just like that...they are O.U.T.   Sound asleep.  People who can sleep in cars, on planes, chairs, anywhere, anytime and I am envious.  Deeply jealous.   I wish I knew what magic they do to make it happen. 

And as I typed that I realized that it's fairly obvious that under the right conditions I actually can fall asleep in a chair in a hair salon.  Now I guess I only need to learn to harness that talent, right?