March 12th, 2021

Soooo would you like to end the week with an at least marginally amusing story?  Ok then, here we go.  The Story of Stinky Sam.

On Wednesday, as you already know, Joy and I headed out on photo safari. Because I know that I'm going to get dirty and sweaty, I don't bother to shower before we hike.   Oh, I "catbath" first of course.  In your family, it might be known as a "camp bath" or a "basin bath". I'm sure there are a ton of other ways to say it.   Regardless of the terminology you prefer, that happens, then I get dressed and grab my camera and I'm out.    

The reason I don't bother to shower before hand is because I know I'm going to immediately get dirty. Not just dirty. I'm going to get filthy dirty.  Think about it, we go out into the forest.  Forests are beautiful but they are not clean.  Well, wait a minute,  it's not like a garbage dump!  Fortunately most people are courteous enough to not leave cans and bottles and that sort of thing laying around.  But it's not paved, we are walking on the ground, which is dirty and grass and leaves and sticks and sometimes mucky, boggy, wet stuff.  

And this being Florida, usually we are contending with a lot of this.  There is just no escaping it

Which means that even on a beautiful mild day, when the sun is shining (and it very often is), if you walk multiple miles, you are going to sweat.    And yes, I know, "Pigs sweat, Men perspire, Women glisten".  I'm telling ya, after hiking 4 or 5 miles, I'm glistening big time.

Also, animals live in the forest.  They live there full time.  And they have no dedicated bathrooms.  So no matter where you go, critters have been there before you.  So as we hike, we are walking through feathers and bits of  fur and insect carcasses and, let's face it, poop.  All sorts of animal poop.  It's everywhere out there.
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Of course it doesn't help that Joy and I don't always stay on trails and we really get into our photography.  Sometimes getting the photo we want involves getting deeply into the dirty.

You get the idea, I'm sure.

So, anyway, we hiked for about 4 hours.  After we were done and Joy dropped me off and I'm headed up the driveway to the house, I have only two thoughts in my mind.  I'm thirsty so I need a lot of water to drink, and I'm filthy and smelly and I need a shower.  That's it.  Those are the only things  in my brain when I walk in the door.

 I walked in and put my camera on my desk, grabbed a bottle of water and before I could do anything else,  someone knocked on the door.  I hadn't even taken my hat off yet.   So the person at the door is from Xfinity - you know the cable people?    He politely informed me that he was going to be running a new line into the house.  I was promised that it wouldn't take more than a half hour.  Ok then.  Tim shuts down his computer and I shut down mine and since he know has an unexpected break, we head out to do the noonwalk.  Doesn't hurt my feelings a bit to get a few more calories walked off and what the heck, I'm already filthy and sweaty.  I will just be a little dirtier and sweatier by the time we return.

Forty minutes later we return and the Xfinity guy is just finishing up.  He tells us that the cable line is just laying on the ground in the backyard and someone else will be along later that day to bury it.  

Well that's all fine and good except Wednesdays, which that day was, is also the day that our lawn guys come by.  I can't risk having the lawn guys accidentally run over the new cable line right?  Tim has to get back to work so I volunteer to wait for the lawn guys.  

I washed my hands and face and changed my shoes (so that I would be tracking yuck all over the house) but  as the hours ticked by with no lawn guys in sight, I still waited.  Murphy's Law y'see.  I was positive that if I tried to take even a quick shower  - and honestly I was far too smelly to get clean with a quick shower - I absolutely positively knew for sure that if I tried,  the instant I stepped into the shower the lawn guys would show up. Because that's how it works. So I waited.  And while I waited I tried to do a few things around the house. Nothing that involved me sitting on the sofa or an upholstered chair of course. I was way too yucky for that.  But things like, sweeping and emptying the dishwasher.  (hey my hands were clean!)

When I was putting away the dishes I noticed that, much like me, the dishwasher smelled funky.    How does one clean a dishwasher?  No idea. Never came across this problem before.  So I read up on it.  The site I was on suggested putting a bowl of white vinegar on the top rack, put the settings on very hot and run the dishwasher.  So I gave that a try (it worked by the way).  And that reminded me to check the kitchen sink for smelliness  - it's the disposer that causes it I think.  So I cut up a lemon and ran a lemon through the disposer and it smelled lovely.  Then with that in mind, I cleaned toilets and put baking soda down all of the sinks and shower drains to freshen them too.  By the time I finished, everything in the house, except me, was clean.

Still no lawn guys.  By 5 c'lock I came to the realization that, for whatever reason, (and how very unusual!) there would be no lawn guys that day.  Of course nobody came to bury the cable line either!  Dang!  So basically I waited all afternoon, stewing in my own dirt, for absolutely no reason at all.  Of course by then it was time to fix dinner.  So I fixed Tim's dinner and then jumped in the shower and scrubbbbbbbbbed!  

I felt brand new by the time I emerged and all was forgiven.  In my heart and soul I mean because I was kind of ticked off before hand.

Of course today is Friday, I am still squeaky clean but the lawn guys are still a no-show and so are the people who are supposed to bury the cable line.  It's just laying there on the ground strung diagonally across the back yard.  Swell.

Tim has called the cable company to bring it to their attention and whoever answered the phone swears that there is no "ticket" for the job.  There is one now.  Supposedly the cable burying people will be here sometime today (or tomorrow) to take care of it.  Way to pin that down guys!

I assume the lawn guys will be here next Wednesday as per usual.  I guess we will find out next Week.

But everything is a learning experience and the thing I learned in this situation is that while I don't mind getting dirty and sweaty, I like being clean so much more.  And this is probably reason number 452 why Sam Don't Camp.  I'm ok getting dirty as long as, immediately afterwards, I can also get very clean.  I will hike out in the forest all day as long as when I get back I can take a full complete total hot shower.  So I guess I'm good with camping as long as I also have plumbing. And electricity. And soap. And shampoo. and......  Well like I said, Sam Don't Camp.

​Have a Great weekend ya'll!