June 08th, 2022

This is a pile of my (mostly) unopened reader spectacles.  Yes there do seem to be a lot of them.  No, it's not excessive.  Why?  Because I break things. Not on purpose.  I am not stomping on them or flinging them around the room in a fit of pique.  I'm just clumsy.  And as it turns out, glasses do not hold up well to being dropped on tile floors.  Who woulda thought??

Consequently, Tim just orders my reader prescription of glasses in bulk on line.  Not even joking a little bit. I wish I was.  At least once every year since I started wearing readers,  I tell him that I am on my second to the last pair (or perhaps the last pair) and he dutifully jumps on line and places a re-order.  They aren't prohibitively expensive (thank goodness!) and I do have them stashed all over the place which accounts for at least some of the many pair.  I have a pair in both of our cars, my purse, by the computer, my bedside table and occasionally I will somehow find a pair on the kitchen counter without remembering leaving a pair there.  (??)

Part of the problem, I suspect, is that I always need them nearby for seeing up close things,  what do I do with them in the interim.  I do NOT need them for walking, for yardwork, for most cleaning, or watching TV.  I do however require them for reading ANYTHING including my phone, recipes, magazines and books, instruction manuals, the writing on any can, box or bag, medicine bottles and so forth.  My glasses are also necessary for painting my toes, properly affixing a bandaid (I don't know why), admiring a photograph, checking for small dirt while cleaning and Zooming or Skyping online (so I can read facial expressions).  So you see I have them on and off, on and off, on and off, all through my day.

And that's mostly where the problem came in.  Oh I am certainly capable of just dropping my glasses.  It does happen with alarming frequency.  BUT I am also guilty of carrying them on top of my head, like a hairband, folding up in my pocket (crazy plan by the way) or with one "leg" tucked behind the top of my shirt so my glasses become, essentially, jewelry.

None of these are a good idea. None.  My hair is very soft. So for the same reason that hair clips, barretts and elastic bands do not stay put in my hair, neither do my glasses being worn as hairbands.  And by the way, hair bands also do not stay put in my hair.  So I'm walking along with my glasses atop my head and either they slide off on their own OR I forget that they are there, lean forward to pick something up off the floor and off they come, crashing, once again, on the unforgiving tile floor.    In my pocket?  All it requires is me sitting down and crunch.    The leg of the glasses in the top of my shirt also means no bending forward due to falling out AND getting tangled in my actual jewelry.  

Something had to be done.

Holy Cats I look like a library lady!  

I swore that I would NEVER do this. I would NEVER EVER EVER do this. Not in a million zillion years. And yet, there I am, swearing my glasses on a chain. Sigh.  This is an experiment. I have no idea if it will actually work long term or not. But I'm willing to give it a try.

Please note how comfortable I am with you guys.  I obviously, absolutely did not gussy up for these photos. This is me with weird hair, no make up, no slightly more flattering light.  Just me.  And my glasses chain.  

I honestly do not know what they are called?  Let me look it up really quickly here.  Huh!  I guessed correctly. That is exactly what they are called.  Glasses Chains!    When I finally decided (in the back of my brain) that I would give this "glasses chains" idea a try, I saw one I really liked in a shop on the avenue.  And then I saw the price tag and I laughed and laughed and left the store.  It was very pretty but not $25 pretty.  Nope.

Then, unexpectedly, Tim and I were at a GoodWill Bookstore - by the way what a great idea - over the weekend and while we were waiting our turn in line, I saw on a rack, some glasses chains that were $3.99.  Ok that's my kind of price tag.  They only had a few. And none that were what I imagined at all, but ultimately I chose this one.

It was a good call, I suppose. While it's a kind of blah, very neutral, goes with everything I suppose, sort of colour, the beads roll and there are no sharp edges which means nothing is going to "pick" my clothes.    The only other one at the GoodWill store had these very cute little gold stars between the beads and all those pointy little edges would absolutely destroy my blouses. Sooooooo no to the cute little stars.

Anyway, I am now one twinset and one shushing frown away from being the quintessential librarian cartoon.  I know that I probably look ridiculous, but so what?  Since I started using the glasses chain, I have only dropped my glasses once AND I caught them, by the chain, before they hit the ground.  

​Bonus points.