July 11th, 2022

That's a promise. I will be back. Eventually.  I'm just not sure exactly when.  Let's just call this a medical leave of absence.

Dang, more medical stuff?  Yeah, it's true.  After the whole small cancer surgery thing back in March, I thought I was done. It was over. I spent a ridiculous amount of time patting myself on the back for making it through to the end.  But I was wrong.  Ratz.    After all was said and done and I was starting to feel more like my old self again,  it turned out that it was time for yet more testing.  Oh my gosh, the testing!  Exhaustive testing.  And consults. And discussions.  And my own research and thinking and talking with Tim.   Ultimately what it all meant is that I need more surgery.

Again, I was going to walk around this topic very circumspectly, just like I initially thought I was going to do back in March.  But exactly as I did then, I decided to just be honest and straight forward.  I know these are conversations that make people uncomfortable and it's certainly not my intent to do that, but hey, this is life.   Or at least it's my life, which is what I write about.  So let's talk about something that makes some people a little itchy.

Bilateral Mastectomy with reconstruction. Yup, that's happening tomorrow.  Wow!  That's kind of a big deal.   I won't even pretend that it's not.  But the situation absolutely called for a big solution.  No tippytoeing around.  There are some thing that just cannot be dealt with delicately and cancer is one of them.  My own personal feelings about cancer is that you fight it like a war you intend to win.

While there were many conversations with various medical people and Tim, the final decision, of course, was solely mine.  There were other things I could have opted for, but all of them were too wishywashy.  Obviously I considered every possibility. But I have several things stacked against me.  One is family history. There is a very strong history of cancer in my family.  Two would be the fact that I already had cancer and it was of a Very Aggressive persuasion.  The medical terminology is High Nuclear.  That sounds scary doesn't it?  And the last thing that I weighed in considering all this was that right now, otherwise, I am Very healthy.  If you are heading for a big fight, you want to go in at your physical peak, not when you are older and sickly.  Nope. Now is the time.

I'm told that once I am home from the hospital, I should anticipate about 8 weeks or so of recovery to get me back to a relatively "normal" functional level.  So that's the goal.  Which takes us into early September.  That's what I've got my eye on right now.  By then I plan to be back out there, having adventures, taking photos and returning home ready to regale all of you with tales of my escapades and general thoughts about the world, the universe and all the folks in it.  Just like I've been doing for the past almost 6 years.

I know that I will most likely be capable of typing shortly after being discharged from the hospital, but what on earth would I write about?  I have no intention of turning my blogsite into the "cancer chronicles".  There is absolutely nothing wrong such a thing or the people who choose to do so. I support them, I am proud of their courage and their sites are very helpful.  That said, it's just not my style.  Instead, I will read a lot, rest a lot, watch a lot of old X-files, Quantum Leap and of course Outlander reruns and heal, heal, heal during the interim.  None of that is interesting enough to bother to write about.

The question people aren't asking me, but they are thinking, is how do I feel about all this?  Well, in truth, I'm a little anxious of course.  Still I am confident that I've made the correct decision (all of my doctors told me AFTER I gave them my choice that I made the decision that they would have made too.  Good to know)  It'll be a big change, physically, but when you think about it, our entire lives have involved physical body changes.  

Like everyone, I started out a tiny baby, somewhere in the 6 pound range.  In the first year alone, as we all do, I went from a dampish blob that wasn't capable of much to walking and talking.  That's pretty big.  Then from toddler to child to teen to adult, all involving big changes. (Let's not even think about puberty!!)  Once married, 3 pregnancies absolutely changed my body forever.  I gained and lost the same 10 pounds a thousand times at least and somehow accrued a roadmap of scars from one dang thing or another.  And now, as I'm  older with greying hair and crow's feet galore, this surgery is just another in a lifetime of physical body changes. 

I have a good attitude, I have great doctors and a wonderful support system.  Most importantly, I have Tim who is my everything.  That'll do.

So anyway that's what's happening.  I will be back, eventually, as promised.  Meanwhile, all of you, please stay safe and have fun.  And if you wouldn't mind, and you have a few minutes, please throw some positive thoughts out into the universe for me?    See you soon!  Hugs all 'round.