February 27th, 2018

So there I am, hanging out at the beach again instead of accomplishing anything.  I certainly have become lazy.  

​I don't know what's happened to me. I used to be so high energy. I flew around whatever room I was in doing a dozen things at once, thinking ahead thirty steps, talking a mile a minute.....  If there was an unpleasant task that needed to be done, I jumped on it and did it right away to get it over with and quickly  moved on to the next thing.  Now, not so much.

​Oh, the laundry is still done and the house is still clean and there are meals on the table at the appropriate times. I am just not feeling the urgency I used to feel.  It was like I was in crisis mode at all times before. 'Gotta Get It Done'!!!!!  My mindset wasn't just, I need to wash the floors, it was more I NEED TO WASH THE FLOORS NOW!  As if the world would stop turning if the floors weren't scrubbed this. very. second.  

​I'm not certain when this attitude change happened. Probably very slowly over time. I do recall a college professor of mine once who kind of blew my mind.  I was collecting my dribs and drabs of this'n'that preparing to leave the classroom when another student stepped in the door and up to the professor.  He began to go into some long involved very detailed account of why he had missed class.  The professor stopped him by holding up in hand and then he smiled and said, "...and the sun will rise, the sun will set and the world will continue to turn."  I had never heard such a thing in my life.  What kind of crazytalk is this?  It clearly made an impression me and that may have been the moment that planted the seeds that didn't spout until recently.

​I was raised to be very goal oriented and extremely purposeful.  The family culture in which I was raised emphasized that it was paramount that we accomplished things. A lot of things.  And to work hard This is not a bad mindset. In fact, I honestly feel that this are  very good thing a good way to be raised.  But like anything else, it can be taken to extreme.  When a person is so fixated on the next moment or the next twelve moments down the line, they aren't paying any attention to this moment.  And this moment is precious. It is unique. There will never be another moment exactly like this one ever again.

​So I'm slowing it down, just a bit.  I recognize that truly the floor doesn't care if it is washed today or tomorrow.  The grocery shopping will get done without my being all aflutter about it.   I've learned to admit that there are only twenty-four hours in a day and that not every single one of them has to be filled with frantic activity.  Some of those hours can be quiet and still and reflective.  There were plenty of things I could have been doing yesterday rather than walking to the beach, sitting on the sand and watching the sun go down but I didn't.  I stopped. I put away my lists and my check boxes.  I made the conscious decision to let everything else go for awhile and just breathe.

​And funny thing, that old professor was correct.  Even though I didn't accomplish everything I had planned to do yesterday because I made the choice to stop and go sit on the beach for awhile, the sun still set last night, the sun rose this morning and the world continued to turn.  What a concept.