December 21st, 2017

There is a long standing rule in our family that is Christmas related:  You don't buy anything for yourself from October through Christmas Day unless it is absolutely necessary.  It's a good rule.  It prevents all those duplication issues.  Y'know, if someone is paying attention and a person idly and innocently says something while getting ready for the day,  like, "All my socks are either holey or the elastic is stretched out"   Aha!  It'll be a new sock Christmas!  Or perhaps it's more while listening to the radio in the car like, "Y'know, I really like Lady Gaga" and then it's CD's in the Christmas stocking for sure!  Picking up on those sorts of hints dropped (consciously or subconsciously) is key for a happy surprise Christmas morning.   And all that is kind of spoiled when a person says, "my pot holders are crappy I should buy new ones" and then goes out and buys them and then also finds them wrapped in glossy paper and ribbons under the tree.  See what I mean?

​Hence, the rule.  I have always adhered to the rule.  I gently chastise those who  to not adhere to the rule.  So what is the deal with this brand new little tree in the house?  It's adorable, sure.    I never actually said that I wanted one, true but I didn't know that it existed before.  And it was on the clearance table in the back of the store, okay, valid point. BUT, still I broke the sacred don't buy anything for yourself Christmas rule.  I hang my head in shame.

​I actually first saw this little tree about a month ago when I began to start thinking about Christmas shopping. I meandered around town, popping in and out of all the little shops, making mental notes and buying a few things here and there to tuck away for later.  It really caught my eye.  You know how that happens.  A shop filled with wonderful things but there is just one thing that really draws you in.  I loved it immediately and tried to think of who else might feel the same way.  I knew of someone who might like it (besides me I mean) but I was very concerned about shipping it successfully unbroken.  I know how to package cookies for shipping. I mean what's the worst that's going to happen if  cookie gets broken?  A gingerbread man tastes the same with or without an arm afterall.  But this little tree broken would just not be the same.  So I sadly walked away.  But it stayed in the back of my mind as I shopped on.

​Two days ago I did the last of my shopping. The final bits of this'n'that for Tim's stocking.  And as I passed the storefront where this little tree was first seen, I couldn't stop myself from going in to visit it.  It was just as appealing it was the first time I saw it  and I knew it belonged in our house.  That is kind of different for me.  Generally speaking stuff is just y'know, "stuff".  It's nice but not essential to my existence unless it is a gift from someone else.  Then it has real value because it represents that person to me.  And THAT is a treasure beyond measure.  (which I guess explains why I rarely ever buy anything for myself)

​So I tried to convince myself that Tim needed it.  Sure, I'd put it in his stocking and .......   no that didn't work.  I knew better.  While he would be gracious if I gave it to him, I knew he would wonder what the heck I was thinking (secretly of course).  Because the truth of the matter is, it wasn't a gift for Tim, it was a gift for me.   I read somewhere once that a gift should reflect the giver.  I initially thought that I  liked that idea, but it's not always great for the recipient.  I mean, if the giver is a huge Elvis fan and gives everyone Elvis stuff but the recipients can't stand Elvis...what is the point?

​Well, I bought the little tree.  I brought it home, still unsure what I was going to do with it.  Should I give it to my sister?  I'm sure she would love it.  But deep in my heart of hearts, I wanted it.  And I don't even know why.  I just know that for some reason, this silly little tree speaks to me.  I even acknowledge that giving it to someone else would be a bigger and more important gesture specifically because it's something that I want for myself.  And still, there it is, sitting on a table in the family room, looking so damned cute I can hardly stand it.

​I broke the rule.  The very important Christmas rule.  I bought a gift for myself.  And you know what?  I'm not even going to apologize.  I love that silly little tree and I will continue to love it all the years down the road.  And when I unpack all the decorations that have been gifts to me over the years, as I do every year,  saying to myself as I go, " Joy gave me that one, The kids gave me this one, That one was from Marsha, that one from Jamie, that one from April..."  Now I will also say, "And I gave me this one" as I unwrap my tree.  And I will be happy about it all over again.

​Oh and I found it that it lights up too!