April 15th, 2021

Tim and I talk.  Well, not incessantly, but we have conversations on a regular basis.  You might be surprised to learn how rare this is (or so I've come to learn).  That's sad. Talking is a delight, it is a way to connect with other people.  It is an opportunity to learn things about each other, to exchange ideas, to share dreams or express concerns. 

I have read that conversation is an artform.  I'm not sure that,where Tim and I are concerned, that is the case.  I am not very artistic. Any conversation with me is going is more of a meander.  I just don't think in straight lines.  This thought leads to that thought which lends itself to another thought and eventually  (usually) it gets back around to the original idea but it's messy.  Those who know me well can vouch for this.

Most of Tim's and my conversations, not the quick two sentence purpose laden back'n'forths that might occur during an average work day, are either while we are walking or in the car.  Time that isn't otherwise loaded with purpose.  A time when Tim isn't at work doing ten thousand things at once and  I'm not cooking or scrubbing toilets or trimming palm trees. It's just the two of us, with no interruption, relaxed and hanging out together.

Sometimes our conversations are about really important things like, where to have lunch or what colour should we paint the bedroom.    Those two topics alone can carry our conversations for the entire noonwalk.  

Or we could be having an observational conversation. That is, discussing what we see around us as we walk.  Hey look, our neighbors are painting their house/identifying blooming flowers or nearby birds/how is the beach flagged today/crazy driver!  When we are in the car, for some reason, we tend to read signs to each other.  Not street signs, unless it's an interesting one like the time we found, literally found, "Sesame Street".  That was awesome.    But it could also be a business or restaurant sign, billboard, license plate, unusual highway sign.   It might be a field of cows, a pretty tree, an unusual mail box,  or a 'For Sale' sign. And each of those things, reminds us of other things and the conversation wanders off in another direction.

We play "lets pretend" sometimes while in the car.  Well, that's what I call it.  It starts with a question, "If you could build any kitchen you want, no money restrictions, what would it look like" .  Or If you could travel anywhere (and it wasn't a pandemic) where would you go first?    If you won a big lottery, what would be your first big purchase that was just for you - nothing practical like paying off a mortgage allowed.  What super powers would you like to have?  What would you like to invent?

Sometimes our conversations are rather whimsical.  I asked Tim, not long ago, while we were driving somewhere what he thought cat cursing would be like.  If a cat could cuss, what would they say?  Would a real dig from one cat to another be to refer to them as "Puppy breath" or "Dog Poop"?    Or would it be generic like maybe a terrible cat diss would be to refer to another as a "mutt".  oooooo  burn!

We talk about places we've been,  childhood memories, books we are currently reading, restaurants we've been to and enjoyed, restaurants we are hoping to visit and compare artists, or writers or action packed thrillers.     We share top 10 lists of movies or musicians and wonder what job each other might have had a hundred years ago.

On one particularly long road trip, I stumbled across a list of 50 questions to ask your partner.  It was, supposedly, things you should already know about each other. So the idea was that you both answer it, compare answers and see how well you know each other.  That kept us occupied through two states!

We discuss current events, those can be long, confusing, heated conversations. Or family and friends, which are also long conversations but wonderful and happy.   We make predictions, talk about concerns or fears, or chat about things as mundane as grocery lists or upcoming doctor appointments. 

The point is we talk.  Not every minute of every day, but at some point every day, we have a real conversation.  And we always make time for that to happen.  One of the most loving things that Tim does for me, and I never asked him to - he just does this on his own, happens in the evenings at the end of a long work day, after dinner and he is finally FINALLY relaxing on the sofa watching TV.  If I start to say something to him, he immediately pauses the television, turns and looks at me, and waits for me to say whatever it is that I feel compelled to say.  Even if it's just, "Would you like some dessert?" or "Do you want to hear something funny?" or "Did I remember to ask you about/tell you about...whatever".  And then he responds accordingly.

I wish you wonderful conversations.  Silence is golden and it absolutely has it's place.  But conversation is pretty dang good too.