April 11th, 2022

I have always said that am not into sports and further, that I have no competitive spirit.  As it so happens, those were both bald faced lies.  It turns out that it all depended upon the "sport".

Once I found cooking and baking competitions, I was all in. I mean, it's all there.  It's a competition after all:  a good sized group of people with the same basic knowledge, talent and training and in the end only one winner.  They wear a "uniform" of sorts - usually an apron but still, they are all wearing it.   The game is tough, it's tricky and any one teensy mistake can mean the end. People are eliminated from the game.  AND it's physical. Oh yeah, don't' let anybody tell you any differently.  These players get sweaty and out of breath, they are racing around top speed, crashing into each other and obstacles, they injure themselves and there are burns, blood and sometimes medics on the field.  It gets exciting.

Just like any sport.

I am always impressed by the extensive knowledge of the cooks and bakers. I mean, I have a fair knowledge of cuisines. Even if I have never made something, I usually have an idea of what the dish is and how it is made   But sometimes it's out there.   When the moderator calls out what they have to make, occasionally I have to look it up.  I remember one of the first ones I had no previous knowledge of was a Baltimore cake.  Ok now you are making stuff up.  Baltimore cake?  Turns out it's a white cake with a fruit and nut filling.  That was new to me.  I love learning new stuff.

I heard one the other day that was also an addition to my knowledge pool.  The challenge was a "Cookie Salad".  A what now?  Have you ever heard of it?  I certainly had not.  I like both cookies and salads but I just didn't see how they went together.  As it so happens, it's more of a deconstructed trifle.  I'm not sure where the name originated.  The traditional one looks like this:

 It seems to have originated in Minnesota and North Dakota and is very populated with children and at potlucks according to Wikipedia.  Hmmmm.  

At any rate, the competition involving "cookie salad" had two European bakers in the group, one from Italy and one from France.  When they heard the name of what they were supposed to make, they both just stopped and starred at the host with blank looks on their faces.  First time I've ever seen that happen and I cannot begin to tell you how much better it made me feel.  Ok, good,  it's not just me.  The host had to explain to them what a cookie salad was.  The gentleman from Italy smiled, shook his head and said softly, "Only in America".  I laughed out loud.  

And here is where the big tension comes in.  The host throws out the name of the dish they are supposed to create and then tells them to put their own spin on it, sooooo make the dish but make it differently, gotcha.  And then assigns each of them something specific that they have t include like perhaps a specific fruit and/or type of cookie and/or number of varieties of cookies that have to be included. Sometimes the assignment seems absolutely contrary to the dish. Like a dessert, baked dessert made with root vegetables.  That was a thinker.   The competitors are then given a ridiculously brief period of time to produce this dish.  Naturally, since this particular game was the Spring Baking Competition,  the dish also had to be decorated to represent spring.  And above all, it must look and taste PERFECT!

As soon as the host says,"Begin" there is an explosion of activity.  Everyone is racing around, flinging flour and sugar in every direction imaginable.    The bakers are totally focused, they slam pans in and out of the oven, the giant mixing bowls are all going at the same time and it sounds like a freight yard.

The host calls out how much time they have left periodically and, unimaginably, the bakers kick into a yet higher gear.  They stir so hard and so fast that I half expect the bowls to rise in the air.  Somewhere in the last 15-30 minutes, the host calls a halt to instruct them on the "Twist"; one extra thing, that they totally did not know about or prepare for (how could you possibly?) that must be included in the dish.  Some bakers are delighted, other are furious, but once again, they  call upon their last bit of energy and creativity  and as they near the finish line, panting, sweating, red faced, still they are proud of the amazing dish that they have miraculously created.

Now it's up to the judges.  And that's when I hear at least one judge say in every dang game, "Your decorations look a little rushed..."  Which is when I start yelling at the television, "Of course it's rushed you moron. You just asked them create something that takes at least 3 hours in 90 minutes!"  Oh yeah, it gets interactive.  

One by one, the competitors are eliminated and each level of the "battle" because let's face it, that's what this is, gets more and more difficult, the time constraints get more unrealistic, the twist gets twistier, the dish more obscure, the requirements more ridiculous.  The expectation is higher and competition becomes more fierce and the tension in our living room is knife edged.

The funny part is, I honestly don't care who wins.  I usually root for the underdog, just coz that's what I do, but as people get eliminated, the underdog continually changes so clearly I have no real allegiance. 

Then at the end, once the winner has been announced, in the same way that ball players shake hands at the end of the game, the baking competitors usually give each other a hug.  I love that.

So you see, there is my sport, my competitive fervor lives. It just resides in the kitchen.  And at the end of this competition, this sport, you can sit down and eat the results. Yum.