April 09th, 2021

Recently, I briefly watched part of an interview with some famous people while I was ironing, and the interviewer asked the famous people what was their guilty pleasure.   And the famous people all listed some TV shows:  "The Bachelor",  "The Voice", "Mystery Dancer", things of that nature.  They all looked suitably embarrassed but everyone laughed and applauded and nodded in agreement.

It got me thinking, do I have a guilty pleasure?  There are things I enjoy, but I don't feel the least bit guilty about any of them.  Cookies do not embarrass me.  Neither do M&M's or ice cream.  Hiking?  Taking photographs? Reading? Cooking? Baking?  That's pretty much what I do and I enjoy all of it but I don't associate any of those things with a feeling of guilt.

And then it occurred to me.  In the evenings sometimes, when Tim is watching television and I'm sitting with him but not especially interested in the show he has chosen,  I watch videos on my phone.   Ridiculous video's and I've never told anyone about these before so perhaps there is, if not guilt, then at least no pride attached.

It's primarily two sorts of video's; Journaling and Make-up Tutorials.  Weird eh?  

I'm not exactly sure how it started.  I was just idling roaming through my Instagram search and checking out any/every thing in my feed.  All sort of random things pop up:  Funny kitty video's,  DadBlog posts, cake decorating tips,  beautiful photographs from far away places,  crafting ideas and more.    But the ones that catch my eye, the ones that I seem to just lose myself in and watch an endless stream of, are just the two: Journaling and Make-up Tutorials.  Bizarre.

The Journaling one surprised me.  If you say the word 'journaling' to me, I think -  writing down personal thoughts. Whether it's the actual act of hand writing in a notebook or typing it on a computer, it's still an accounting of the writers feelings and experiences, hopes and dreams, fears and questions, usually for private consumption only.  At least that's what I thought it was.

Turns out I could not have been more wrong.  Somehow it now involves stickers and random pieces of paper, an endless supply of different patterned tape (tape comes in colours and patterns??) and a lot of stamps with coloured inks.  Dried flowers, glue-sticks,  transfers and all sorts of different kinds of cutty-outty tools, sealing wax and teensy tiny things are involved.    I watch, mesmerized,  as the journaler (is that the correct term?) applies layer upon layer upon layer of these things onto pages.  And then they write a few words  - generally in beautiful calligraphy.  And they are done.  So I move on to the next video.  And the next.  And the...well you get the idea.

I'm not gonna lie. I am fascinated.  If I start watching Journaling video's during when Seal Team starts,  when I look up again, Tim is now watching FBI.  Holy Cats!  I've been starring at that tiny cell phone screen watching someone else make journaling look more like an art project for more than an hour.  That is just insane.

The Make-Up Tutorials on the other hand, I think it get.  It's the whole Henry Higgins, My Fair Lady, Pygmalion thing.  It's transformative.  Turning the Ugly Duckling into the Beautiful Swan just like in fairy tales. 

 Totally get the appeal. I was an awkward kid. Nose always stuck in a book, with glasses and braces and always the new kid in school. Everywhere we moved, there were different things that were popular, the cliques were pretty tight and me, the clumsy, social awkward, geeky person that I am, did not fit in anywhere.  Which was fine. I was accustomed to it.  Until we moved to Texas where three very dear people welcomed me into their lives with open arms.    For the first time ever, I had actual real friends!  One of those friends was very into theatre. She loved hair and costumes and make-up. Things I knew nothing about.  At one of our many sleep-overs, she decided to do a make-over on me.  For the first time ever, I had make-up on my face.  She did an amazing job and when I looked into a mirror, I didn't see geeky old weirdo me, I saw someone else.  Someone far more attractive and I was astonished.  It truly was transformative.

So I get it. I  know the power of make-up.   I've seen it up close and personal.  But alas, I'm lazy and I'm cheap and I'm fidgety and honestly, I just cannot do that every day.  I  mean even if I had the skill set.  Nope.   BUT I can and do watch other people use  many different products and colours and brushes (so many brushes!) and marvel as they go from being regular looking people to amazingly beautiful people with the simple application of hundreds of dollars worth of products, a lot of talent, and way way way more time than I will ever spend on how I look on an average day.  (Which is why they look the way they do, and I look the way I do. I'm not stupid, I get it).

I will never be able to fully explain, even to myself,  why I watch these videos.  But there you have it. My guilty pleasure.  Though honestly I do not feel guilty about it.  But it's probably the closest thing.  It's certainly nothing to be proud of.  Yes I just wasted an hour of my life watching someone else skillfully apply about a half ton of make up.  No pride there.  But also no guilt.  It just captures my interest.

Who knows, perhaps in an alternate universe somewhere is a Sam who is looking damned fine with her zillion dollar level make-up closet while she journals with all the coolio stuff necessary.  And her guilty pleasure is watching video's of someone baking cookies and eating M&M's.  It could happen.