What is wrong with this picture? What could possibly be wrong with a happy little gathering of colourful (which means healthy, right?) jelly beans? The tinkling sound when I poured them from the bag into the cut glass dish is delightful. The jelly beans dance around as I pour them before settling in to their new home, probably happy to be out of that bag! Cheery colours don't you think? Green, purple, red, orange, pink, yellow.....wait! There are no yellow jelly beans in this dish. Not a single one. Gasp! The Horror! Somebody call the police, put out a BOLO, the yellow jelly beans are missing! Someone has stolen every single yellow jelly bean!
Who could have done such a thing? Who indeed? Okay, stop yelling. I was me. I confess it was me. I did it. And I would do it again. I have no remorse. I am a conscienceless fiend when it comes to yellow jelly beans. If there is an open dish of jelly beans in this house, there will only be yellow ones for as long as it take me to walk over and pick them all out. I eat them quickly but one at a time. I savour them. Each individual, lovely, chewy, lemony morsel. I adore yellow jelly beans. Adore them I say! It's clearly a crime of passion.
Poor Tim has never, the entire time we've been together, gotten to eat a single yellow jelly bean. Not one. He gets all there rest, you understand. I have zero interest in any jelly bean flavor other than yellow, which I assume is supposed to be lemon. It has that sweet/tart lemony taste and, well, it's yellow, so in the artificial flavor world, I suppose that passes for lemon.
Now Tim on the other hand, seems to like all of the jelly bean flavours. He will, without checking for colour, just scoop a small handful into his mouth and eat them all at once. WHAT? What madness is this? Lime and cherry and grape and whatever the pink one is all together?
Ewwwww. No thank you. But then Tim also likes black jelly beans. Black jelly beans are just wrong. Everything about them is wrong. The smell alone makes me gag. To me the taste is bitter. I am NOT a fan. We actually have a rule in this house (which is continually ignored), "when anyone eats black licorice of any sort, they are not allowed to breath on me". So naturally if Tim eats black licorice, be it jelly bean, licorice whip or any other form, he makes it a point to stand very close to me saying breathy words. "Happenstance, Windowpane, Hat pin, Whisper, Harvard" with great emphasis. My mother used to do the same thing and with tremendous glee.
There is something very satisfying about jelly beans in general. It is a simple pleasure. Very old fashioned. Perhaps it's the chewiness, an opportunity to work out any aggressions. While they are LOADED with sugar of course, they have remarkably few actual calories. Only 41 calories in 10 jelly beans so even if I pigged out and ate 20 jelly beans, it's still less than 100 calories, right? And since I eat them only one at a time and savour eat one individually, that could take me all afternoon. Like l said, very satisfying.
And I only like the simple old fashioned standard store brand jelly beans. None of this fancyschmancy popcorn flavoured jelly bean stuff for me. You know, tip of the hat to the nice people at Jelly Belly, they are very creative. I appreciate how clever they are and I even tried one of their lemon jelly belly beans. It was wonderfully lemony. Quite good. But weirdly I still prefer the old fashioned regular ones. I've seen Jolly Rancher jelly beans. Hmm. No thank you. I have no problem with Jolly Ranchers. As Jolly Ranchers. They are particularly good when I have a sore throat. Those green apple ones are especially good then. But not as jelly beans. And then there are the spiced jelly beans. What the heck are those anyway? Besides wrong I mean. How do you spice a jelly bean? Spice does not belong in a jelly bean. Spice belongs in Chili!
So anyway, another Easter has come and gone and the yellow jelly beans disappeared as quickly as always, thanks to me, the cat burglar of yellow jellybeans. Tim still hasn't gotten to eat any yellow ones though he is putting a decent dent in the other flavours. And there won't be any more jelly beans in this house until next Easter where upon I will again, immediately open the bag, probably before Easter actually arrives. And I will carefully pick out all of the yellow ones and eat them, one by one, savouring each bite.
There is something to be said for tradition!
Yup, this is me. Some people said, "Sam, you should write a Blog". "Well, there's a thought", I thought to myself. And so here it is.