May 10th, 2019

Ok, so this is me.  This is how I've looked for about three years now.  And, for the most part, I've been perfectly content with it all.   There are always things I've wished were different but that's probably true of nearly everyone.

But about two weeks ago, I started noticing sparkly bits in my  hair again. And that is earlier than usual.  I didn't even (at that particular moment) have the darker roots. Just some silvery looking strands of hair here and there.  Hmmmmmm.  Had the time finally come when my hair was actually more grey than anything else?

I've been colouring my hair for so long now that I honestly had no idea what my "real" hair looked like?  Oh I knew that a few days before my scheduled appointment that I had darker roots and some glints of silver here and there but that is easily solved.  But here I was two weeks out from my appointment and there was some definite twinkling going on with my hair. Hmmmmmm again.

So it was on my mind.  And I would think about it at the most unexpected times.  Putting on my make-up with that magnifying mirror.  Suddenly I noticed, not just the eye that I was decorating, but that sunburst of wrinkles spreading out on each side. I mean I guess I knew that they were there, I just didn't think about it on a regular basis.  So I put the mascara wand down and really looked at myself.

I tend to only look at the specific thing I need to see when I peek into any reflective surface.  I almost never see the "whole".  Flossing my teeth - just the teeth, putting on lipstick, just the lips, a full-length mirror at a store - I am only checking things like hem length and bra-straps showing, detailed specific check points.

So I guess I was taken by surprise a little bit.  I have so many more "smile lines" than I realized. Hmmmmmm one more time.

I had breakfast with a friend recently.  She is a stunningly beautiful woman with masses of curly hair that she is allowing to slowly become whatever it chooses to become.  And what it is becoming is snow white. It is stunning!    We talked about hair a little bit and how she just got tired of fussing with it.  She just felt that any extra time and money she had could be spent elsewhere rather than fighting against her hair colour.  Since she is a very smart woman, I paid attention and added what she was saying to the Hmmmm pile.

My best friend stopped fighting the hair colour fight a few years ago.  Her hair is a gorgeous blend of whites and silvers and greys and a little bit of something very dark.  She is a beautiful woman anyway, but her hair is so striking!  She still looks young and vibrant and that was added on the ever growing pile of things to consider.

Then there was the capper.  An older lady walked past me on the Avenue recently.  MUCH older lady.  Her hair was the colour of a red crayon.  Now I am going to assume that she loves it.  Maybe she did it to be fun..and why not?  But on the  off-chance that she chose that colour because she was always a red head in her life and wasn't ready yet to adapt to grey hair I had to consider that possibility too.

I never want to look like a joke.  I never want to over hear someone say, 'Who does she think she is kidding?'   So I called my hairdresser and gave her fair warning that at my  next visit, I wanted to discuss hair colour. Ok.  That gave me more time to think about this.  What did I really want to do.

My hair was blonde, I mean naturally, until I was an adult. As soon as I started having children it became darker. And it became progressively darker with each child until it was a dark brown.  I never liked the dark brown hair on me.  I think it looks great on other people but I felt that it didn't suit me somehow.   So eventually I began lightening it. At first on my own at home, and then when I had totally ruined my poor hair, I began having it professionally done.

Eventually I  began dabbling with lots of other colours, various shades of blonde, red and even back to various browns.  I had fun!  It's fun to play with hair. It's creative, it's fun, it's like re-inventing yourself over and again.  The same way different styles of clothes change how you look, so does hair colour and make-up.  So if I did this.....if I stopped fighting the greys...this would be a huge committment on my part.

Yesterday I had my appointment. I made my choice.  I was all in.  Let's do this.  My hairdresser and I talked at length and ultimately the decision was to darken it all over to sort of match the darkest part of my roots with a demi-permanent colour that will gradually fade out.  Once the hair colour is completely gone I will find out what my actual hair really looks like!  Now I'm kind of excited to find out!  Am I grey, silver or white?  Is there just a little bit or is there a lot?

It's going to be an adventure!  Ok..here it is folks. Hang on to your hats.  On the left is pretty much what I looked like walking in and on the right is how I looked on the way back out.

In a few weeks time, the evidence should be showing itself. The "reveal" if you will.  Stay tuned.