The above photo is of some nice lady in....perhaps Italy?.... wearing a rain poncho. One of those nifty little disposable things that they sell in touristy places such a Disney. They are fairly inexpensive, very one size fits most and most importantly, they work. They keep the wet out.
And what on earth does that have to do with the price of potatoes? Well, nothing to do with potatoes, I assure you! But it does figure as a main character in an amusing tale of achievement. So here goes:
This morning, I took my first full shower after this most recent surgery. And only people who have had to forego their daily shower for awhile will appreciate how glorious it is when the day finally comes. Up until now, due to all of the surgical wrapping and strapping, I was warned, quite strongly to NOT GET IT WET! I felt like either the Wicked Witch of the West, who as you may recall melted when she got wet, or that little Gremlin Creature, Gizmo. Nobody needs more than one Sam, seriously.
So in my effort to NOT GET IT WET, I've been cat bathing for ten days. Ten Long Days of not feeling truly clean. Oh I know that I was clean. I was Very clean. But it's just not the same thing. And of course, the worst part was dealing with my hair. Tim, because he is the nicest husband on the planet, has been washing my hair for me so as to NOT GET IT WET.
During all three of these dang surgeries there have been segments of time when I had to NOT GET IT WET! And all three times we were given different advice on how to make sure that happened. Things like "Use dry shampoo". Humph. Dry Shampoo indeed. I will say this, the concept has improved a little over the years. It's not as bad as I recall from childhood when 'dry shampoo' was just baby powder sprinkled on your head and worked in with your fingers, combed through and..........you overwhelmingly smelled by baby powder all day and honestly it did little good. The hair still didn't look or feel (to me the most important part) clean. Now it's in a spray can and the instructions say to spray at the root of the hair and work it through. The Fragrance isn't bad at all but the results are much the same.
Other suggestions that we actually tried, included wrapping my torso thoroughly with cling wrap, which sort of worked. Sort of. The human body is not a surface that cling wrap sticks to very well. It does, however, stick to itself Incredibly well, which was the most frustrating part of this experiment. Also because the human plane....the surface of our body.... curves and dips, there is always a little teensy gap somewhere, no matter how hard to try...where water trickles in. Yup, I got wet. Not soaked, but still wet. And because of that, the hair washing sessions were spaced out as far as I could stand and when they happened were Very Brief. The faster hair washing in the South!
Another methodology we tried involved contortions. Me, basically doing a near backbend to keep the water as far away as possible. I am flexible but it's still a difficult position to maintain, even while sitting on a plastic chair (which I was) and in a slippery shower, potentially dangerous. And, as it turned out, water bounces off any surfaces it touches, including walls and shower curtains and, because it's the same sort of geometry that is involved in playing pool, I still got a little wet.
So this time around, Tim came up with an idea on his own that was nothing short of brilliant. He found a rain poncho and put that on me and then using several chip clips, fastened a towel around me over it. Now I could sit on that little plastic chair facing away from the shower and he, so very gently, washed my hair for me. We have are lucky enough to have a shower wand. It has a clever little button that turns the water on and off as the hair washer ( in this case, Tim) wishes. The result was Brilliant! My hair was clean and nothing under the poncho got wet at all!
Well after a few days of being waited upon like a Queen and having someone else wash my hair for me, I decided that I am an independent woman. I can take care of this my own dang self. I would take a page from Tim's book and put on the poncho and clip on the towel of course, but all by my own self. I eyed the plastic chair in the tub. Hmmmm. I wasn't sure how this would actually work in the tub since the shower is behind me now. How could I hold it behind me? And then I realized, yes! The kitchen sink!
It's a nice big farm sink with plenty of room and the faucet has one of those clever sprayer thingies. That'll work! I got all excited :) I was ready for my mission. I brought out my shampoo, a couple of big towels, the chip clips and the poncho! I was ready to roll. I put on the poncho, clipped the towel in place, turn on the water to let it get warm and dived right in.
Almost immediately I realized that I had done something terrible wrong. For convenience sake, I clipped the towel in front of me, not behind as Tim had done which meant that as soon as I leaned forward over the sink, I nearly impaled myself on the chip clip! Bright red spot under the chin. I readjusted the chip clip to the side and gave it another whirl. I leaned forward, grabbed the faucet sprayer and totally soaked myself because the poncho hood, (without me realizing it) was standing right up like a basketball backboard just waiting for that first spray of water which pooled in the hood and then trickled down the inside of the poncho.
Naturally, in shock, I stood straight up which sent the pool of water in a gush straight down in the inside. Dang! Clearly, without me realizing it, Tim had been tucking that hood down inside the poncho. Okay. First I took off the poncho and the totally soaking wet clothes underneath, dried off everything as best I could, and put on a dry shirt. Using one of the big towels I mopped up the pond of water on the floor so it wasn't a slip hazard. Then I put the poncho back on making it a point to be absolutely certain that the hood was tucked inside. I clipped a fresh dry towel back on with the clips to the side and thought, "Three's the charm" and ducked back under the faucet.
This time worked much better, or so I thought. My hair was washed and rinsed and after I turned the water off and stood up and opened my eyes I saw that the counter top, the backsplash and everything in it's vicinity was also wet. Dang. Apparantly, I wasn't aiming that sprayer nearly as well as I thought. Ooops.
Took awhile to mop everything up but eventually it was done, my hair was clean as was the entire kitchen. BUT the most important things was that I did it. And with each hair washing session after that, there was less damage than the time before. By the time I was able to go back to a full solo, near normal shower/hair washing today, I had it down cold.
I feel very accomplished and proud of myself. And today I also feel exceptionally clean. And I have the strongest urge to take a bow and say. "Taadaa!" And so I shall.
Yup, this is me. Some people said, "Sam, you should write a Blog". "Well, there's a thought", I thought to myself. And so here it is.