May 05th, 2020

Tim and I both have eye appointment on Friday.  Nothing is wrong, understand, this is just a normal ordinary regular run of the mill annual eye check up.

Except that nothing about life right now is normal or ordinary.    And quite honestly I am feeling a little uncomfortable with the idea of this appointment.

Yes, yes, yes, they are doctors and they are aware of the virus related issues and I'm certain that they will take all necessary precautions and so forth.  But.  The Big But.  Bertha But.  I am now so accustomed to keeping my distance from people that I do not much care for the idea of someone that I really don't know very well, being that close to me.

To be absolutely fair, I have never been comfortable with how close an eye doctor has to be  to do a proper eye examination.   While intellectually I completely understand the necessity of being a nano-micron away from me while peering deeply into one eye or the other and lighting me up with that dang light, the other side of my brain is screaming, "Hey how about some personal space here buddy"!  The entire time.  

I've always had, let's call them, issues  with people who stand too close and touch too much, the close talkers and huggers.  Hey, it's not their problem, it's mine and I know it. So most of the time I just smile and take one tiny step backward or to the side, I allow the kindly intended hug and go about my life and nobody knows how uncomfortable it makes me.

And before anyone has a cow, late in life I actually have become a bit of a hugger myself.  BUT only if it's someone I am already emotionally close like, family members and very close friends.  Any other hugs that happen are ok if I am the one who initiates them.  When a stranger or relative stranger comes at me with a big smile and arms open wide, I immediately am overcome by the fight or flight response.  It sort of feels like I'm being attacked.  But I endure because I know it is not meant to be a bad thing.  

I like people. Don't get me wrong. I like people a lot.  I just like them best kind of over...............................there.    Crowds are not good. I am extremely uncomfortable with crowds.  Part of it is the whole up close and personal with other people thing. But it's also  the short girl who is claustrophobic thing.  When I'm in a crowd, I cannot see out.  In the middle of a large group of people the entire world to me is just shirt pockets and belt buckles.  I have no way to orient  myself to my surroundings and that kind of freaks me out.

I suppose, in my own way, I have spent my life doing a certain amount of social distancing.  So maybe that part of the Time of the Great Quarantine hasn't been quite as difficult of an adjustment for me as it is for other people. 

But now we are in Phase One of the re-opening of the Sunshine State (with the exception of Miami-Dade County. They are still locked down)  and doctor offices are opening, shops are starting to open, restaurants too with restrictions and conditions of course.  And now we will all begin to gradually readjust.  It was time.  We need to get our economy going again, get people back to work. I absolutely understand it and support it.

But that doesn't change the fact that I will be tense and uncomfortable in the chair at my eye appointment on Friday.  My first foray back into the world that used to be.