July 01st, 2018

This article popped up in my news feed today.  50 summer foods you should never eat.  I don't know why I read these things, they either depress me or tick me off.

Never is pretty definitive.  NEVER. As in not at all under any circumstances ever.  Not even just once in awhile. Or on the rare occasion. But Never Ever.  Wow!  That sounds pretty strict.  Made me wonder what was so horribly awfully terrible that we should NEVER eat .

Well of course ice cream was on the list. OK I get it, it's fat, it's sugar, and for those of us who are lactose intolerant, fairly scary food, but it's also yummalicious.  That's not a word, but it should be. As an occasional, once in a long while, extra special treat, ice cream makes a special day even more special. Ice cream should be allowed on rare occasions but nope, they say NEVER.  Sigh.

Well that's downright sad but okay I get it.  They, they mysterious "They" say no.  So I will eat frozen yogurt instead.  Nope!  Turns out Frozen Yogurt is also on the NEVER list.  What? Well yes, I suppose, if I really look at it, it is rather close to ice cream and of course I love it so it must be bad for me (that seems to be how that works). Ok. No Frozen Yogurt.  Sigh. I'll have a snow cone.  

NOPE!  Snow Cones are also on the NEVER list.  What the heck do you guys have against anything cold and sweet?  It seems snow cones have too much sugar, as do frozen juice bars, Koolaid, sweet tea, diet soda, lemonade, slushies and any of those iced blended coffee drinks.  Well now you are just being crazy. But the experts say NEVER so I guess I'll have to just drink water.  I like water. I drink it all of the time, hot, cold, in between. But it's not special.    Sigh. Okay I'll bring a big old thermos of iced water to the picnic.   

What else will we serve at this mythical picnic?

Well, I was just going to throw some steaks on the grill.....?  NOPE!  Anything on the grill is a NEVER.  Something about the carcinogenic properties inherent with grilling.  What about the yummy properties that are also inherent with grilling.  Sigh. What about sandwiches then. Pulled pork sandwiches maybe?  NOPE!  Anything smoked is also on the NEVER list.  Seems smoking meats doesn't just preserve it, but also has lingering carcinogenic affects to say nothing of the evil bread that the meat is shoved between two slices of.  No ribs, no hot dogs, no hamburgers, heck not even veggie burgers can be grilled or served on bread.  EVER. It's on the NEVER list.  Sigh

How about salads then?  Macaroni salad, potato salad, maybe some deviled eggs?  No, no and No.  The fat thing.  Same goes for nachos, potato chips, queso, soft pretzels and guacamole. They are also on the NEVER list.  Could I maybe throw some corn on the cob on the grill then, I mean corn is a vegetable so that's good for us and it's extra good grilled right?  Nope. It's on the NEVER list.  Corn and peas are both "high sugar" vegetables and therefore tantamount to poison and then of course, the grilling thing.  Sigh.

Seadfood is healthy though so maybe Lobster rolls are okay?  Sitting on the dock, watching the boats sail by, smelling that lovely salt air and eating a lobster roll?  Or fried clams?  NEVER!  Fat and Fried both.  Anything fried will kill you on contact apparently since it's on the NEVER list. No French fries, no onion rings,  no fried chicken, no funnel cake. NEVER EVER.  Sigh.  Kinda takes the fun out of a good carnival.  Oh and no cotton candy or candy/taffy apples either if you were thinking of it.  The Evil Sugar! They too are on the NEVER list.

And in case you were considering some trail mix or churros for a snack, forget it.  Also on the NEVER list.  Fruit cocktail?  Nope.  Fudge?  Of course not.   And don't even think about a pie. Pies are like weapons of mass destruction.  

What's left?  Well, green salads seem to be okay and most vegetables.  I don't see melon or citrus fruits on the NEVER list. And of course water is always okay although I've tasted some pretty nasty water out there in my travels.   Bigger sigh.

As it so happens, I like green salads, I like vegetables and I like fruit. But it's not very special.  It's what I eat every day.  So kind of what they are saying is to not ever have anything special. Be bored out of your mind with your food. Maybe that's how we lose weight, by being so incredibly bored with the food we are eating that we lose interest in it entirely?  Bah!

Food is supposed to be a delight. Meals are intended to be a joyous occasions and events like carnivals and picnics and birthdays are to be celebrated.  Part of my personal celebrations involve food.  All kinds of food. Foods that aren't ordinary.  Foods that taste good. Foods that we don't normally have. Foods that are fun!

For the record, I am going to eat stuff on the NEVER list. I am.  I know I am.  Not every day.  Not every week.  Not even every month.  But I am going to eat it.  And I'm going to enjoy the heck out of it.

​NEVER read a NEVER list. It's not fun at all.