February 11th, 2020

I have a new favourite thing which is so very very VERY bad.  Chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels Oh Me Oh My.

Quite awhile ago, I blogged an ode to regular peanut butter pretzels.  The blog was about how I used to crave sweet and then suddenly, once we moved here, it changed over to craving salt.  But not just any salt.  And how it took me awhile to find just the right thing to satisfy the crave. And oddly, it was the store brand Peanut Butter filled Pretzels from my local Publix.

I adore them.  And they are kind of dangerous because I love them so much that it's hard to be disciplined about eating them.  So I don't buy them often.  And when I do give in and buy them,  I make sure that I only gobble up a couple at a time.  Which is wonderful because then the treat lasts, at least a week to ten days, depending on how well behaved I am.

So things were going along swimmingly.  Once every 3 or 4 months I would allow myself this fine yumminess. And I would savour every bite and try to make it last as long as possible. Good enough right?

Well last week, when I was grocery shopping it struck me that it had been more like 5 or 6 months since I allowed myself this wonderfulness.  In that moment of realization I suddenly wanted peanut butter filled pretzels  more than anything on the planet.  The Crave settled in and it wasn't going to leave me alone until I satisfied it.

Sometimes when that happens, I intentionally pretend that I am not craving - whatever it is that I am craving.  "You are not the boss of me!" is my attitude against my craving.  And I will resist it. And I feel noble and brave and courageous .  But mostly I feel hungry for days, sometimes weeks!  It's the hunger that is the worst part because nothing else will satisfy me except that one thing I am craving.  Until, at long last, I give in and then the craving goes away.

It's not pretty.

So last week, when I was shopping, The Crave hit and I decided, Why torture myself?  Just go ahead and do what you already know you are going to do eventually.  Just buy the dang peanut butter filled pretzels and be done with it.

So when I got to that part of the store I set about to do exactly that.  For reasons known to nobody except Publix, in my store at least,  they keep this delightful treat over by produce.  It's on the bottom shelf on the left side.  (Isn't that scary that I know exactly where this is?)  And as I bent down to pick up a box, instead of  my usual pretzels, there were these.  Chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzel Oh My God.

I stood up so fast I was dizzy for a second.  I walked away and prowled the produce section while contemplating.  I mean peanut butter filled pretzels are already not exactly a health food.  But Chocolate Covered?  Now we are adding a new layer of bad to an already not so good for me snack.  Snack?  Heck who am I kidding?  I eat this sort of thing as a meal on a regular basis.  I won't lie.

Finally I threw caution to the wind.  I added it to my cart and finished my shopping.  I assured myself that I would show the same, or perhaps even better, discipline with these new pretzels that I do with the other ones.  Once home,  I put the treat in the fridge because in my world, cold chocolate is the best chocolate.  And then I went about doing other things that needed doing.

And, I know you will find this hard to believe, but I didn't even open the package that first day!  It's true.  I thought about it a lot, of course, but I did not so much as break the seal.

The second day, on the other hand, I had an early morning doctor appointment that while a perfectly ordinary annual appointment, is always rather unpleasant.  It's not the fault of the doctor, who I love or her office staff who are always wonderful. It's just the sort of appointment that is always unpleasant.  When I returned, I voted unanimously (which is easy when I'm the only one voting) to allow myself a treat.  So I opened the box.

Holy Cats.  The chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzels were even better than I imagined.  Wowza! So I had another one.  It was as amazing as the first.  And then another. Still incredible.  And as I was reaching for yet another, I stopped myself.  I was so proud of myself when I closed the box and put it back in the fridge.

Next up on my exciting list of things to do that day was to go to my local lab for a blood draw. Yayayay...(not).  So off I went.  I waited the typical forever to be seen, blood was drawn and left it's customary ginormous bruise and I walked back home.  Whereupon, naturally, I had to self-medicate with more chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels. Chocolate has well known healing properties y'see.  This time I did not count but I probably had a good heaping handful.  And then stopped myself, put the lid back on and put them back in the fridge.

I continued about my day.  Now before I finish this story, I want to say that I ended up walking about six miles that day so it isn't as if I was re-creating the Peg Bundy story, eating bonbons and watching soap operas all day. No.  I was not only walking all over town, I was also getting stuff done.  I did a lot of yard work, a ton of house work and well, I burned quite a few calories that day.  Didn't balance out what I ate of course, but at least I made a dent.

Anyway,  at the end of the day, I made Tim's dinner (I generally do not eat dinner) then cleaned up, put things away, wiped down the stove and counter top, filled the dishwasher and so forth then went back into the family room to watch a little TV, read a bit, talk with Tim, y'know the usual end of day kind of stuff.  And as I sat there, those chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzels called me.  Oh yes. They did.

And my tummy started to growl in response.  It rumbled and grumbled and carried on so much that I finally  got up and brought the goodies to the family room and opened the container.  "Help yourself, please" I said to Tim who obligingly ate a few.  And then a few more. And then a few more.  And of course, I joined him.

By the end of the evening we had polished off the entire container.

I put the lid on the empty box, looked at Tim and said, "Those were really good".  He agreed that they were.  "I mean really really REALLY good."  Once again, he agreed.  And then I continued, "And they must never EVER be allowed back into this house!  This time Tim laughed out loud.

It's been nearly a week and I have been to the grocery store two other times. I did not buy any chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzels either time.

I wonder how long I can hold out?