December 11th, 2024

Oh My Goodness!  Just two weeks from today is Christmas Day!  That's only 13 tiny little days to get done, everything that needs to be done before Santa Arrives.  Wow!  I don't know about you, but I confess to being a little panicked!  Will everything be ready in time?  It'll be a nail biter for sure and come down to the last seconds most likely.

I'm not sure why either.  Yes yes, there was one less week this year between Thanksgiving and Christmas and that's probably part of it, but only a small part.  I know people who are so organized and on top of things that they have their shopping DONE by end of summer.  Holy Cats!  I'm not that person.  Which is odd I suppose, because, for the most part, I am a very organized person and I do love a good plan.

But with Christmas, I cannot even begin thinking getting ready for  Christmas  until the holiday spirit and mood are upon me.  And sometimes - like maybe this year - the spirit is somewhere else.  I'm not sure where it landed but I hope whoever that person is, they are enjoying it coz I'm just not feeling it. 

I'm trying, though, I swear, I'm trying.  I've been ho ho ho-ing and singing Christmas carols.  The tree is up and other decorations are sprinkled here and there.  I faithfully open my Advent Calendars one door a day and the shopping is in process.  Just a few little odds and ends and it will be finished.  And that will be a relief.  One big to-do scratched off the list!

Shopping was rough this year.  First of all everything cost so much!  Even tiny little silly things had prices jacked to high heaven.  We have a Christmas Budget. I suppose everyone does.  And it's even a Per Person budget.  We stick to our budget because that's just the sort of people we are. 2024 was an unexpectedly expensive year so the budget was tighter and even more  important than usual.  At the same time, nobody wants to be known as the Christmas Pooper.  That one person who gave the crappiest gifts.  Nobody wants that award.  I know we don't.

And that was the second thing.  Most of the time I start out shopping with ideas for everybody on my list. Even if it isn't a specific item, it's a general idea that is a great place to start.  This year I had no ideas. None. Not one single thought.  The brainbasket was empty. Highly unusual.  So I had to wander.  I walked through an endless string of stores and then online, with each people in mind, and hoped like crazy that something - anything - would strike my fancy.  

And then, worse, I boobytrap myself with doubt.  Is it the right choice?  Should I get this?  Will they like it? I second guess and third guess and wander around the store with things in my hand and then put them back and then pick them up again. Oh dear, Oh dear.  Nothing seems right and nothing is ever good enough to express how much I adore these people.  It can be agony to shop with me. And very stressful for everyone; me, the poor long suffering person shopping with me, the people who work in the store and I'm sure anyone in ear shot of me talking about why an idea is/is not the right one.

But soon that part will be done.  And once the gifts are purchased and wrapped and given, then I don't have to stress about buying gifts anymore.  No.  After that I will torture myself with my prediction of their reaction to the gift.  I am merciless when it comes to me. 

Then will come the cards, (not done yet, but it's on the list!) and eventually a little baking. Very little this year, but still, there will be something baked. AND if it comes out good, I will share it.  If it comes out bad you will never know because I'll throw it out and try again.  Gotta have something to share with the neighbors. It's tradition. And that's stupid too because I'm sure they would understand that my hand isn't fully recovered from the injuries incurred from the tumble I took in t he forest and right now, baking is tricky for me.  But I will make myself at least try try try.

So you see, I do it to myself.  Nobody says, "here is the list of things you MUST do". I "should" on myself all day, every day, especially during the holidays and I know it is ridiculous. I'm  probably not alone.  I cannot possibly be the only person on the planet who does this sort of thing.  There are probably legions of us!  All so emotionally exhausted by the seasons end that we want to hibernate like bears for awhile while we heal.

It's kind of crazy really.  So my wish to you is, wherever you are in the holiday preparation process, be kind to yourself.  Try to remember to relax and enjoy the holiday.  The most important things, somehow, magically, will get done.  Anything that didn't get done, probably wasn't all that important.  

So if you are bombarding yourself with Shoulds during these last two weeks before Christmas Remember, Step One, Breathe, Step Ttwo, Breathe again.  And try to enjoy your holiday.

PS Note to self, breathe!!